It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
