i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
