If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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