Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
