So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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