Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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