when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
