the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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