I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
