I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
