haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
