My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
