his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can feel your judgement through the phone
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
