make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
