So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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