Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
