well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
