Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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