Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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