Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
