You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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