you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
