the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
