Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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