New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
