My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
