So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
