The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
