Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
