I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
