Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
