yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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