so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
even my farts smell like vagina
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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