...so i touched it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
