i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
