ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
