Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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