i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
