My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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