Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
