i already hear my dad disowning me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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