Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
