i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
