I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
