that's an acceptable place to lick
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
