Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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