im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
