i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
