well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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