I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
