her vagina looked like bernie madoff
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't deserve a penis
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
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