A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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