I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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